just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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