I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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