normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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