So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
