I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
