the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
