how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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