the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
