I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
