I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
