either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
