so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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