Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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