You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
