Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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