I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My vagina is officially offended.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
