So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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