i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
