Sry I called you an 8
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
