Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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