Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
