when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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