My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
