Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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