dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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