Cold hands, warm shart.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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