Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
