but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
