she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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