I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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