I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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