I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
