on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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