Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
