Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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