Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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