did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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