Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My balls are so social today.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
