and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
