i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
