It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hippo gnu deer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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