There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
