I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's Friday. Sex?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
