Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
