I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
