Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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