I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is Oprah even human
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
