Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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