Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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