My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
