I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
