you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
