TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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