Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
