Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize