dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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