Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize