NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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