I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
