at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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