Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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