If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
