The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
