Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
