So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
