So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
