please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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